I am a useless robot...

Anticipating the arrival of my last two rejection emails from grad school I have been busy as a bee trying to keep the gut punching bully of dread and anxiety at bay.  Despite my lack of blog updates I have been doing a lot of work.  The SUPER YACHTS series of paintings are well under way and I will be posting some photos of my progress later this week.  I have also been drawing new comics, none of which are presentable but I do have some small drawings that I have been doing to generate ideas and to simply keep my hands moving so I can't keep tapping the refresh button on my inbox anymore.

This is a drawing of my lovely lady Katherine.

I started doing a series of small drawings of what I'm calling "Useless Robots."  Check back to see more.

I'm thinking about saving the money I might have spent on Grad school to buy a new computer!  Oh, and move out of this black mold infested death trap*.  Priorities.

*exaggeration

What's not new?

Working on sketches for new paintings but have nothing really to show yet.  All I can tell you is that it involves SUPER YACHTS.  These are not your daddy's yachts, no sir.  Your dad didn't have a helicopter, or another tiny yacht that fits inside the super yacht which we are discussing now.  Anyway...

Dug into my digital archives and dusted off some older stories.  These words are from a story called The Expert.

As he approached city hall, with its dull fountains and its schoolroom lighting, Parker saw a young woman in a nice looking green suit with pants that pinched between her thighs, and he knew in order to have had that life he would had to have a wife.  And to have had a wife he would had to have been an expert in women.   

And he thought, to be married now he would have had to been able to say things that seemed so logical but for some reason, he threw his rages against 

at the time.  

He

 fought tooth and nail for every last dreg of credibility, when the trough had already been licked clean.  

P

arker had thrown himself into the role of a lover then found himself suddenly, rather unremar

kably, abandoned.  Left to never love again.  Not for real.  Because he didn’t know what love was.  He felt love for every soft faced woman he saw.  As that young woman passed he felt the twinge in his gut and wanted to ask her all about her day, though he didn't care what she had to say

Cloudy these daze...

There new music up on soundcloud! The songs I am putting together are part of an album called UNLUCKY.  The new song has the same name.

Here's some text from a new story:

Walking underneath the stars to where his car was parked just outside the circle of light cast from a weak street lamp, Nathan had that tightness in his abdomen that signified dread, but his head was light and he smiled a hazy smile and gaped up happily at the moon.  The houses were dark.  He wondered if the neighbors were maybe on to him.  Maybe they knew he was coming out here and getting stoned, then driving the ten miles of highway home every few weeks or so.  Drifting alone out of the center lane.  Letting the lights off little reflectors in the road way mark the shapes of the night upon his consciousness.  He sung.  He listened tenderly to the sounds of sometimes music, sometimes the beat of the road on the tires.  But he was always somewhat aware that what he was doing was wrong, even though he had never attempted to change the behavior.  He got to the car and unlocked the door as casually as he thought how.  As he fumbled with his keys he tried to imagine himself sober, the way he might walk down a street and open a car door.  He tried to think whether that natural grace was possible. 

I HAVE AN OPINION

This drawing has a new home with the lucky lady Irum Javed.  I hope you two are happy together...

Also I thought I should post a list of qualifications I have as an employee that I may have not included in the resumes and cover letters and work histories and CVs and medical records and IQ tests that I have submitted to various businesses that have not called me back...

1.  I am extremely skilled at drawing semi-nude and nude male celebrities.  I do not draw female nude celebrities because that would be weird.

2.  I have immense amount of talent for organizing files filled with screen shots of television commercials that come on after midnight.

3.  I can walk the shit out of a dog in the middle of the day.  Literally.

4.  I can write into the Diane Rehm show too late to be read on the air.

5.  I can learn to play a simple song badly and sing it to you later if I'm drunk.

6.  I can wash all the dishes in your house.

7.  I can write a story that doesn't really make any sense and doesn't go anywhere but is kind of funny.

8.  I can roll socks.

9.  I can smoke cigarettes even though I don't smoke.

10.  I can chase a cat that looks like a cat I saw in a "Missing Cat" flyer and never catch him.

The end... maybe I'll think of some more.

Cheap Cheap

just came home from seeing John Hodgman and my throat hurts from laughter... and also because of something that I'm not sure is the flu.  Here (above) is a picture of the Cheap Fun! show.  I'll post a couple more later.

Thanky

Thanks to everyone who attended CHEAP FUN last Friday, it was super cheap and super fun.  Thanks also to the fine citizens who donated booze and food.  I will post pictures soon.

More short story zines will be coming as well and will be available to purchase on an online store that has yet to exist.


Here is a sample from one of the stories:

With all Stephen’s education he never learned how to fix his own meals.  Even after he caught his father standing over his bowl of cereal with a saltshaker, gazing vacantly into the milk as it grayed and became bitter.

 –from The Hand That Feeds Him

Oh parents, they sure could fuck you up if they wanted to.

Putin and his puppy